発達コンサルティングのススメ

【発達コンサルティングのススメ】

親御さんにできることがあります。

お父さんお母さん、
子どもが不安な顔をしていたり、
何かを嫌がったりする様子、とても心配ですよね。
子どもが何かしんどい思いをしているのではないか、
困っていることがあるのではないか、
子どもの居る環境が合っているのか、
適切に教えてくれる人はいるのか、
そんなことを思い巡らすこともあるでしょう。
親として、なんとかしてやりたいと心から思うことでしょう。

お子さんの困りごと、表面にでてきている事象は問題であって、
それ自体を何とかしたら終了、ということではありません。
それではもぐらたたきと一緒になります。
その問題に至るには、何かしら原因があります。
その原因の分析を重ね、まずどこから手を付けていったらいいか、それを見極めることが必要なのです。
私は、その作業をする中で、「対症療法的課題」と「根本的解決的課題」とに分けて考えます。
よくお伝えする例えとして、
「よく風邪をひく」という問題があるとして、
「対症療法的課題」は「風邪薬を飲んで早く治す」です。
「根本的解決的課題」は「栄養を取る、早寝早起きをする、運動をする、など免疫力をつける等」です。

向き合うべきは、子ども自身が困っていることそのものなのです。
それは特性とも言っていいと思います。
子ども自身の特性上、社会生活でうまくいかないことがあるから、何かしら困っているのです。
辛い思いをしているのです。
それをそのままにしていても、勝手によくはなりません。

お子さんが小さいうちに、大人が正しく手助けを加えてあげることで、
より良い方法や行動に修正していけたり、
日々の積み重ねにより徐々に上手になっていくことができたりする。
そうすれば、
失敗して悲しい思いをすることよりも、
うまくいって、認められて、いい気持になることを増やしていくことができます。

それが自己肯定感を育むと言うことです。

そのために、まずは親御さんが、子ども自身のありのままをまっすぐに見て理解するということ。
そして、将来を見据えて、今日からやるべきことを具体的に知るということ。
一緒に行動していくということ。
それを積み重ねていくということ。
いずれ、大人になったとき、子ども自身の力で行動していけるように、伝えていくということ。

それは他の誰でもない親御さんの仕事です。
学校の先生や、習い事の先生や、施設の先生や、病院の先生や、カウンセラーの先生や、訓練の先生の仕事ではありません。
その時に助けてくれることはあっても、誰も責任を持って関わることはできません。

それは苦しいことや嫌なことを通しては学びません。
子ども自身にメリットがある、楽しいことを通じて教えてあげると吸収していきます。
子どもは、行動することで自分が変わっていくことにはほとんど気付きません。
楽しいことから学んでいくことができるので、まるで魔法のようなものです。
でも、その方法論はとても緻密で論理的です。

特性は、できるだけ社会で生きやすい形に修正していけると、
ある程度しっかりとした土台となります。
その上にその子の良さ、個性が立ちます。

社会でうまく生きづらい特性のままに置いておくと、土台が柔らかく凸凹してしまい、うまく個性を活かすことができません。

親御さんにできることがあります。

少し親御さんには、行動を変えていただいたり、意識を変えていただく必要があります。
その先に、幸せな家族の形がみえてくるでしょう。
お子さんができるだけ幼いうちに、できるだけ問題が小さなうちに、行動し始められることをおすすめいたします。

一般社団法人 育ちとつながりの家ちとせ
教育/療育/就労支援アドバイザー
スーパーバイザー
高見雅子(たかまみー)

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